Anyway, I went to Tigerheat again quite recently, it it was only then that I realized just how recurring all the characters around me truly are. For me, some of them are a really specific person, but others just refer to a type of person I happen to see there almost every time I go. Before we get started though, I want to familiarize you with a few terms:
Group Savior: A member from the original group of friends in attendance for the night. The Group Savior can be more than one person, but the role is the same: to separate the victim (usually from the savior's core group) and the attacker (usually someone creepy or not very attractive), usually through the execution of a smooth dance move.
Bruno: A safe word my friends and I have adapted to signal when interaction is not desired. The term originated from a quite assertive gentleman who got a little handsy with an individual in our group. As soon as things get this out of hand, mouthing the word "Bruno" is immediate grounds for separation via Group Savior.
So let's get started.
You know those people who just can't take a hint? Like, for some reason, they have this overwhelming amount of confidence, and it's hard to tell where it all comes from. This duo is toxically confident. They're not particularly unfortunate looking or anything, but their actions slowly degrade their looks anyway. Earlier this Summer, my cousin Cory was victim to the Gum Twirling Twins. They move swiftly and efficiently. Their moment between absence and presence is so small that they seem to materialize out of nowhere. And so, they appeared. They surrounded Cory, slithering and slinking around his body with attempted sex appeal. Gnashing their gum like a native New York mother on a mission. It doesn't usually take long before the victim pulls away in flustered dismay. At this moment, the twins stand their ground. They slink back on to their supporting hip, hook their scrawny fingers into their mouthes, and twirl their gum with pungent attitude. It's only a matter of seconds before they try again, and it takes either repeated rejection of a Group Savior to shake them off permanently. And by permanently, I mean that they might leave for a half hour before trying again.
A Close Proximity Stalker is a person who really wants to dance with you, but either lacks the confidence or motivation to do so. You can sense these guys very easily, and once you notice them, they're hard to ignore. There are two subspecies of C.P.S.: the creepy guy, who likes to stare at you and graze against your skin regardless of how awkward it is for you or your group, or the shy boy, who thinks you're incredibly beautiful and can't help but be frozen by his own attraction to you. And sometimes it's hard to tell them apart. You have to be careful with these guys. It's hard not to look for them to make sure they're gone, but make eye contact too many times, and you'll send the wrong message. Beware, though. Close Proximity Stalkers are not afraid to grab your ass when you're not looking.
Although Tigerheat is principally a gay club, heterosexuals sometimes tread the story for one reason or another. Sometimes straight men are really open-minded about their gay friends. They'll go with the gays and the girls to dance and have fun. Sometimes straight men are dragged in by their girlfriends. But the most dangerous straight man of all is the straight man who attends primarily to find the straight girls that come with their gays. The defining factor of the Aggressive Creeper is the forceful dancing and aggressive touching. I swear they must come in packs, because there are so many of them. And they are usually gross. These men are often in their mid to late thirties. They wear baggy jeans, white crew necks, and open button-up short sleeve shirts, most likely from Pacific Sunwear. They wear sunglasses inside. Oakley Sunglasses. More often than not, they have a ponytail that runs down most of the length of their back. This is a standard creeper, who unleashes himself on the innocent straight girls who just want to dance and have fun. They usually reach straight for the legs or hips, violating their victim as fast as possible. It only takes a frenzied look or an outstretched hand to signal the desire to be saved.
Aggressive Creepers come in other forms too. Really young straight guys who don't know better and are extremely horny, and even gay guys too. Gay guys are the worst. They usually shove their tongue down your throat, and their hand down your pants. In fact, that's where the term "Bruno" came from. Guess what he did.
There's a group of really pretty boys at Tigerheat. They're there every time I go. Judging everyone from the confines of their tight knit, beautiful group. I like to call them the Tigerheat Plastics. They don't really do much. They don't even sweat through their beautiful hair. I had the unfortunate experience of trying to dance with one once. Before I labeled his group the plastics, or even realized he was part of them. I tried to spark his interest with fun dance moves and smiles. He just stood there, texting. Come to think of it, I don't really know why the Tigerheat Plastics bother going to Tigerheat at all. I don't think I've seen them have fun once.
I've only seen one Middle Aged Man Just Looking to Have Fun. That being said, I see this guy a lot. He seems like a lost soul, mostly because I know there must be other places he can go to have fun without feeling embarrassed. But then again, maybe he doesn't feel embarrassed at all. I always see him wearing those very light shaded 80s jeans, with a white sweater on. His white hair is pushed back off his face, and he wanders through the crowd aimlessly. When he stops to dance, he usually raises his arms over his head, and swings them back and forth repeatedly. Sometimes there's some hip action, too. I always see him dancing on his own, and never with a friend. It makes me wonder if he ever finds what he's looking for.
So, not everyone's beautiful at Tigerheat. It's a pretty obvious statement, just because everyone wants to dance and have fun, and the Avalon doesn't refuse creepers as long as they pay their share. The thing I've noticed about less fortunate gay men, however, and that they're always the Gratuitously Shirtless Ones. These men must be self conscious about their looks. As soon as they start dancing, they take off their shirt and tuck it into the ass of their pants, usually revealing absurdly thin or muscular bodies. Lots of people are gratuitously shirtless too, and I've found it's usually to distract from something else. Buff older men want us to see their muscles and tan skin instead of their age. Small twinky boy want us to worship their slim and toneless bodies instead of their faces. And you know, I don't mind dancing with guys I'm not attracted to, as long as they have their shirts on. They're still fun and happy. But those poor men with their shirts tucked into their sweaty asses. They're usually slippery.
And don't even get me started on those GoGo Boys.
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